Always wondered why things in life happen so quick, why I’m so naive, why people think (and this is a guess), i was born to relieve their pains and sorrows. Oh, how wonderful it seem to have someone who could relive, or at least serve as camouflage for all the things bothering you. As a battery has two poles, my life takes that role in the world. i swam through thousands of sperms, was the first to get there, and trust me, there were tons of them, but i made it. And as soon as i conquered my kingdom inside my mother’s womb, something came and told me : “now here is a list of what you have to do in life: 1st. have fun until you are seven, 2nd. make people happy as much you can not expecting anything in return, 3rd. yeah, that’s pretty much it. Now do your job” Can not handle my assignment anymore, as life goes on, things only turn to be worst. oh, about people i was supposed to make feel happy and better? yes, I’m doing that alright. They are all happy, fine and dandy. If not in that order, while with me, beside me, thinking of me, they were/are, so great! mission accomplished. There is a funny part in all of that, i did go to the doctor to see if it had a disease, maybe i had something hidden inside me who was making me feel sad. Nope, totally healthy. So must be something spiritual for Christ sake i need to be/feel happy at least a bit. Worst. It’s written in the Bible once you get into the path of the Lord, get ready to suffer. Oh well, if in the path of the Lord you suffer, you must have fun in the path of the Devil. Nope, you suffer double and even make others suffer, what goes against my 2nd task on my mother’s womb that was make as many people happy as i could. It’s, indeed, a catch 22. I have no where to run. My only task is to make people feel happy and give as little trouble as possible to world. I’m environmental friendly and pay my bills on time. Work hard to get some stuffs and must admit that makes me feel happy, but it only last by the time I left the store. Already thought about suicidal, but don’t know how long people would take to find me dead and, since I have perfect health (Thank God) I would like to donate all my organs. They are all good except for my liver, that must be messed up by the sleeping/depression/pain killers pills I’ve been taking over the years and my brain, that i actually think there is no transplant for that last one. Otherwise, all good, checked and perfect. If i have any dream? of course I do… tons of them, one and first is to be a mom and have a family. I’m 30, (almost), no degree or skills, teach English to kids and adults, but don’t consider that a career. And that means there will be no wise/smart man in the whole entire world who would take me, don’t want to be a single mom, so, my main dream is crashed. I’ve already crossed it from my “dream to do list”, what made all the other dreams flown away. So, correcting my statement made before, no, I have no dreams. The desire i got is somehow get shot in front a well equipped hospital where they make transplants,that would be my only “desire”. Don’t want people remembering “oh, the heart i have now, was Camila’s heart… poor girl who got shot in front that amazing hospital”. Just want they to live happy, that’s all. Since I’ve already passed my turn to be happy ahead, and this time, I MEAN IT, may other people who suffer from real pain be happy. But it would never happen, If i already asked God? of course i did, but He is the boss and said no “keep living like that, something will come along”… meh, good things keep happening to me all the time, really, every single second something incredible happen that is taken away by the following second just to remind me that wasn’t my turn and i didn’t deserve that. I’ve already had the perfect school, was taken away, the perfect friends (or at least they used to make me happy enough to call them that), taken away, the most suitable profession choice, taken away, the perfect housing, taken away, the perfect man, taken away, the most creative ideas, taken away… and so on… the only things that are left now are the ones who fit those perfect ones, like buying something on Chinatown to pretend you have the real one and find out the next day why the real one is the real one and the Chinatown is the Chinatown for a reason, the real ones REALLY works. I’m aware there are thousands and thousands of people who wish be on my shoes, but I’m also aware God understand my pain, sorrow and tiredness of all and forgives me for that. This post was not intentionally inspirational at all, do not try any of this at home or in life… may hurts. And whoever read this, just think about the lots of people who would be happy with my organs and pray for i get shot (and die please) in front one those fancy hospitals. The amount of people who would be sad with my death would be inconsiderable beside the people who would be happy with the joy bring back to their lives! But, once again, let’s linger life a little more since get shot is one of my wishes and as i left you all know so far, I’m not granted to get any of my wishes come true. My last cinderella story ended up in a very rot pumpking… more like Halloween then fairy tale. Let’s just go back on cleaning floors then, and wait (not to wish) a shot comes from the evil stepmother.
